Monthly Archives: August 2006

News…

Prompted by a discussion on here , I was thinking about the future of news and keeping up-to-date with current affairs.

I do read a lot of blogs that mention news stories and read BBC news on the website but I still buy newspapers. Well the only paper I really ever buy is the Guardian but maybe the Observer or the Independent if I fancy a good story or two.

I think it’s because in the papers, you do get slightly less opinion. Ok not a lot. But more of a  range of stuff, or articles or reviews etc to read even tho. Saying that I dont tend to read a lot of newspapers – just now and then. I just buy it for the tv listings and the crossword and then read thru all the supplements looking for a good read.

What do others think? IS this internet changing our newspaper habits?

University students – look here for amusement

YOU KNOW YOU’VE BEEN IN UNIVERSITY TOO LONG WHEN…

? You actually like doing laundry at home where the washing machines work.
? Two miles is not too far to walk for a party.
? You’d rather clean than study especially if an essay is due.
? Oh shit how did it get so late!” comes out of your mouth at least once a night.
? Parents’ cooking becomes something you desire, not avoid.
? You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soap operas – especially neighbours and Hollyoaks.
? You know the pizza boy by name and don’t even need to read the menu.
? You go to sleep when it’s light and get up when it’s dark.
? You live for getting mail.
? Looking out the window is a form of entertainment.
? Prank phone calls become funny again.
? You start thinking and sounding like your friends and your accent becomes a hybrid of West Country, Surrey and general Northern.
? Highlighters are the coolest things on earth.
? Rearranging your room is your favourite pastime.
? Rubbish cheap £1 shops are so cool.

BEFORE I CAME TO UNIVERSITY, I WISH I HAD KNOWN…

? That it didn’t matter how late my first lecture was, I’d still sleep through it.
? That I could change so much and barely realize it.
? That you can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways.
? No matter how ‘cool’ you were in school, no one here cares.
? That if you wear polyester everyone will ask why you are so dressed up.
? That every clock on campus shows a different time.
? That if you got good a-levels, so what? It doesn’t matter here.
? That I would go to a party the night before an exam or essay due-date.
? That you can know everything and fail a test.
? That you can know nothing and ace a test.
? That I could get used to almost anything found out about my friends.
? That most of my education would be obtained outside of lectures.
? That friendship is more than getting drunk together but that’s still funny……!
? That Sunday is a figment of the world’s imagination.
? That Psychology is really Biology, that Biology is really Chemistry, that Chemistry is really Physics and that Physics is really Maths.
? That my parents would become so much smarter in the last few years.

TOP 10 REASONS THAT UNIVERSITY IS LIKE PRIMARY SCHOOL

1. You cry for your mum.
2. You cross the street without looking for cars.
3. Snack time is a necessity.
4. You bundle up for the outdoors without caring what you look like (because everyone else looks as stupid as you do).
5. You stay at home and play games with your friends. – or make about 30 feet of paper chains out of Tesco magazines
6. You wear your backpack on both shoulders.
7. You wear big mittens.
8. Playing in the snow is a legitimate activity
9. You take naps.
10. You look forward to cheese toasties

Children lovers – think again

Another Guy Browning article

How to… Have children

Guy Browning
Saturday June 17, 2006

They say that children are noise covered in dirt. Actually they’re fast-moving noisy dirt. That’s why they’re best when they’re asleep, because that’s the only time they are quiet, clean and still.
Children have an enormous amount of energy. They get this directly from their parents, who have precisely no energy by about 8.30pm. This explains why mindless rubbish TV is so popular at around this time. Children are nature’s contracep- tives. A baby crying in the night is the exact opposite of a Romantic Moods CD.

Unlike a CD player, there is no remote control, so you have to get out of bed to adjust the volume. Once you’ve started having babies, the phrase “Let’s make love” becomes associated with “Let’s change more nappies” and that’s not necessarily apowerful aphrodisiac. One of the great things about having children is that you get to know another human being for the first time – your parents. Every parent vows not to make the same mistakes their parents made.
Unfortunately, having children in the first place was their big mistake and you’ve already made it.

Girls and boys are born different. Boys come out wanting to play withanything round. Girls come outknowing that their arrival will change the dynamics of the family insubtle and possibly useful ways. What children growing up needmore than anything else is aconstant, stable environment that willnurture and comfort them.

The TV plays this role in most families. When children grow up a little and require a higher level of interaction, they can then go online. The quickest way to grow up is tohave children. You can try and remain childish, but your children will then have to grow up faster to compensate. When you become aparent, you often become worryingly like your own parent. You startusing the exact phrases they did, such as, “You must eat that so you’ll grow up big and strong” – even though you ate it and grew up short and weedy. Most people who have children wouldn’t have it any other way.

There are moments of pure joy when your heart is filled with love. These moments come on a regular basis after 7,894 other moments involving noise, dirt and damage to property. my eye, “and the fact that you’re always citing that single incident isproof that it’s the only time I’ve ever been antisocial!”

Anyway, Eric’s demeanour throughout the incident was equally awkward. He clearly didn’t want to walk with me just as vehemently asIdidn’t want to walk with him. “His antisocial attitude makes himinteresting,” I think. “I can relate to that. What an interestingly antisocial self-assured person.” Now all I need to do is wait here inthe toilet until I hear him scamper away. So I do. “I’m going to hire him!” I think.

The Guardian

Anyone who reads the Guardian – or at least the weekend magazine – may have read Guy Browning’s regular short articles about the weirdest of subjects. I have decided to add a section in here for them now on as they are very interestingly written and just so I can keep them.

Here is this weekend’s.

How to … skip

Guy Browning
Saturday August 26, 2006

Skipping is what you do when you want to jump for joy but need to get from A to B at the same time. Skipping is how knees laugh. Like sidestroke in the swimming pool, you can actually move pretty quickly skipping, but you look a bit of an idiot doing it.

The opposite feeling to skipping is sinking. Interestingly, your heart skips a beat just before you get a sinking feeling. Getting stones to skip over water is intensely satisfying because, for a moment, they skip rather than sink. It must be the ultimate thrill for stones.
Boxers incorporate skipping into their training routine; it works out the trapezius muscles, and also when someone calls you a big girl’s blouse for skipping, you get a practice fight laid on for you.
Skipping is happiness in motion. That’s why you don’t see a lot of it at funerals, unless someone knows that the will is looking exceptionally good for them. It’s also why the father generally accompanies the bride down the aisle – so she doesn’t skip all the way up and trip over her train in an inappropriate and undignified manner.

Animals don’t skip. That’s because skipping doesn’t fulfil any of the functions important to animals: feeding, fighting, fleeing or firkling. When humans skip it’s highly unlikely they’re doing any of the above, either.

The triple jump is basically a hop, skip and a jump, but they changed the name because skipping didn’t sound much like an Olympic sport (pretty rich when they’ve got beach volleyball). Falling in love is like the triple jump: the even pace of life is suddenly disrupted by a sudden upward movement; you then skip with happiness, before leaping into the relationship sandpit.

When you look at your life, it’s instructive to see what internal gait you favour: are you a trudger, leaper, dancer, dragger, loper, sprinter or plodder? Skippers are the most blessed in life. It’s what God would do if he wasn’t obliged to be everywhere at once.

People love skipping. If it said skip the rest of this, you probably would.

Skipping over things is one of life’s great pleasures. There is no rule that says you have to start at the beginning and work your way through to the end. And if there was a rule that said that, you could skip it.

Do this…

Ok do this now before the fascists at google fix it.

Go to http://www.google.com. Type in the word failure – look at the first result that comes up. It’s quite amusing

Friends

Had a wonderful night last nite. Was gonna be this quiz but we hadnt realised it started earlier so we missed it but we had a drink in that place and then went to another bar thingy where there was karaoke on. Quite amusing but a bit of a chavvy place, and packed with people dressed up like dogs dinners.
We took loads of pics of us lot in various poses. Quite funny – gonna make a big collage of all the best pics of my lot together for my bedroom wall.

I didnt actually get v drunk – maybe a good thing. I havent mentioned sat nite but basically had a house party with bunch of the usual suspects. However a certain male put a lot of vodka in with other people’s drinks. If I had drank the same amount but not mixed with Smirnoff maybe I would have been fine.
Anyway I woke up early sunday morning and threw up many times. (dw it wasnt v messy). Took me a while to stop feeling sick and I was lying on the sofa with my eyes closed half the morning.
Ah well – the best experience for a 20 year old I spose.

I got some lovely cards and pressies from my friends so thank you you lot. mwah.

Happy Birthday to me…

I’m 20 today. YAY!!

Got Kenwood Junior Smoothie maker. It’s mainly for me to take back to plymouth but I’ve already used it this morning and its fab. Not sure why it’s called a ‘junior’ smoothier maker tho – its quite big.
Got some money from dad and other relative – hoping to buy myself my own camera. Not sure about rich grandma’s measley £20 tho. I’m 20 – at uni and am skint.

Jess is coming over 2nite for food and stuff and then we’re both going out with me usual crew to some pub in weston (quite nice according to some peeps) for a quiz night.

I’ll check in laterz – if I’m not pissed.