Been rather moody with people over the last few days. I’m just blaming it on being a female. I was feeling a bit down anyone and when it comes to showing my emotions and saying how I really feel I’m useless. I end up saying ‘no I’m fine’ when all I want is a good cry. I dont know why really but I find it so difficult to cry or get upset in front of people. I used to be quite shy in primary school and most of secondary school so maybe that’s why. I was always the one who no-one really noticed and who got on with her work and didnt talk to anyone.
I feel I can talk to my friends more lately and that they will be there if I need them to be. Many groups of friends I’ve had before dont usually give two hoots about anyone but themselves but my current housemates are lovely people and we are all there for each other.
I flipped a bit last night tho – just a minor thing which I wasnt blaming anyone for but I was just irritable so I slammed the chopping board onto the worktop and just walked out of the kitchen. Once I was upstairs I felt better and just chilled and listened to music. I do need my own time to relax and I think I dont get a lot of my own time. It’s usually interrrupted by some darts game or a lecture in a really annoying place.
Barry (bless him) – brought me up a Mars ice cream and said he hoped I would have a smile back on my face. I did after that – altho I felt like I was making such a fuss to get attention and I sort of felt guilty. I know that is beyond anyone I would ever do – most of the time I am actually annoyed I dont make a fuss. It’s just how I felt.
I’m free for the rest of the day now – I should really do some work here in the library to get more out of the way but I feel I want to go home and chill. The problem is I never seem to be able to work at home. I dont know if it’s too many distractions or just sitting in the library around other people getting on with work is more incentive to do mine. A combination of both I would imagine.